I think I've moved on.

In the simplest of ways, I've moved on.


I've asked my friends before, "how do you know if you've moved on from the one who hurt you?"

She said, "When you see them, and you feel nothing but happiness for them. When you don't have that pang or want or need to want to be seen by them."


I saw him the other day. And I didnt feel anything. No sudden dip of my stomach, no butterflies. Not even anger or embarrassment. I honestly think that I've moved on.


Thinking about it again. Im going to move on from this journal. I don't want it anymore.
Im still going to keep it here to look back, but I won't be visiting.

As the saying goes, " Don't look back at your past unless that's where you intend to go there."

“Waiting is the most important thing that we can do for the one we love. But it proved one thing to me. As it goes, it can also change our minds.”

You could find that someone who you couldnt live without, the person who'd dropped you on your ass, isn't the one on your mind all the time anymore.

Promise you I won't be another her. Because it's not in my nature to want to play. If it's real, I'll tell you it's real. If I feel it won't work out, I'll let you know. But I can't commit to being a full-time girlfriend right now. I'm scared.

Give me time okay? Slowly. Then we'll see where this goes. You said you don't mind because you're here to stay. Well, good. I like you and I want to get to know you.

I said snails pace, you said snails pace it will be. Aye.

Goodfeelings. Goodnight.

“Can I tell you one thing? It’s a secret so hold on tight; I need your help to close my eyes, to fall asleep at night. Can I say one more thing? Another secret, hold on tight; a one track heart, a one track mind, I’ve been told they’re not right. I’ve become too dependent on every word you sing. I need this sound to close my eyes, it’s my everything. I’ve become too dependent on every word you sing, but I don’t care it’s our sound, our everything.”

It could happen. It could happen. It could happen.

It could happen slowly.

I just need to be careful. But he makes me laugh. The real kind. The kind that usually only being with Lulan and lili can bring out in me.

“If we fall in love because someone makes us laugh, what happens when we no longer find them funny? If we fall in love because someone is beautiful, what happens when that beauty fades? If we fall in love because someone can provide for us, what happens when they lose their wealth? Because love defies all reasons. When you truly love someone, you can’t just find a reason. You just do.”

Idk. I'm gonna take it one step at a time. This defies all logic. I keep looking for reasons, but I can't seem to find any.

Hello you. It's been a long time since I've been happy. Apparently, I make people let their guard down and want to take chances with me. Not the first time it has happened. But maybe, I'll meet someone soon who will be the last one that it will happen to.

Maybe, just maybe, maybe, maybe, you'll save me too.

“I know it’s cold outside, but would you want to go for a ride? Because this late night’s just no fun without you. And I just wanted to say thanks, you’re the only reason I’ve smiled in days.”

(:

“Love should never be a secret. If you keep something as complicated as love stored up inside, it could make you sick.”

I hope you had a good day today Lulan. We don't show affection to each other much, the usual way we go about doing it is calling each other names and laughing at every single stupid thing that we happen to say or do. We dont ever let each other live it down if there's something ridiculously retarded that happens.

But after all that is said and done, I love you Lulan. Thank you for picking me up from my fall, even after you said you wouldn't (: I hope you like the presents today. I'll watch Harry Potter with you, I promise. Because I rarely ever find another Harry Potter nerd who's just like me. The last one I found turned out to be something else entirely.


I wonder what would happen, keeping something under wraps for so long. I don't want to take steps forward. I want to remain still. I'm always afraid of change. I'm incredibly stubborn.

And I'm also sleepy. Let me sleep (: Goodnight. You know my reasons for it being a good day.

 truth is, i have a lot of private entries that i didnt want my friends to see.
there was a reason why this journal saved me from myself. 
why it saved me from making even more of a fool of myself.

i'm only beginning to unlock some of the things that hurt.
i ached when i went back and revisited the pain.

if you really want to know, it will happen over the course of a few more days.

It's actually not as bad as i make it out to be. I'm actually happier than how I seem to be.
Hello? The default face hardly ever goes away.

Goodnight. Tomorrow's a long day.

“Remember me? I used to be the best thing that had ever happened to you. Remember me? You used to rely on me to pick you up when you were down. Remember me? You used to miss me when I wasn’t around. Now you don’t even notice. Remember me? The night we stood under the spotlight of the stars and you told me you loved the way my eyes sparkled. Remember me? No. Because now you have her.”

Okay, so I lied.
It still comes back. In the dead of the night, it comes back. )':

I wish it would go away. Someone please help me to get it to go away.